Forbidden Page 3

  Shane grabbed my arm again and led me towards my locker. When we got there, he looked around and then yanked on the dangling combination lock like he expected it to magically open for him.

  “Open it,” he grumbled.

  My fingers trembled as I turned the dial. I was still having a hard time concentrating after his kiss. All I could think about was the warmth of his lips, and how demanding his tongue was.

  I opened my locker and pulled down Seth’s case. Shane took it, looked around quickly, then motioned for me to step closer. He must have known what to expect and was shielding the contents in case someone walked past. As he opened it, the strong tobacco scent sprang forward again.

  “Holy shit! I knew he was dealing,” Shane said.

  “Dealing? Tobacco? I thought kids bought cigarettes all the time without any problem. Why would they want loose tobacco?”

  “Are you for real? You can’t possibly be that naive.” Shane’s eyes squinted and his brow wrinkled as he searched my face. He shook his head slightly. “No wonder you’re the princess. Princess Rosalie. What kind of name is that anyway? Rosalie. It suits you though, you’re out of touch just like an old lady.”

  I swiped the case from his hands and slammed it shut. He didn’t need to tell me it wasn’t tobacco anymore. I was smart enough to figure it out from his reaction—Seth gave me pot, a lot of it.

  “Well excuse me for not recognizing drugs when I see them,” I said, feeling nervous again. “And I love my name. I was named after my grandmother and I have a lot of memories of her. My name makes me feel closer to her. Not that you’d care about any of that.”

  With the case in my hands, I walked towards the garbage can at the entrance of the cafeteria. Shane’s boots thudded behind me until I felt his hand on my shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  I turned to face him, ready to give him hell, but the expression on his face told me he was sincere.

  “I know what it’s like to be close to your grandmother. And to miss her,” he said quietly.

  “Fine, whatever. Let’s just forget about it.”

  With his head hanging down, he nodded. I waited for him to meet my gaze, but he wouldn’t look at me. Hearing him mention his own grandmother made me realize how little we knew about each other.

  Glancing up at the clock, I saw the period was almost over. I had to get rid of the pot. Seth gave it to me for a reason and there was no way I was taking the fall for it. It could ruin my chances for getting into college.

  Shane grabbed my arm as I started walking back towards the cafeteria.

  “Where do you think you’re going with that?” he asked.

  “The garbage. I’m throwing it away.”

  “Are you crazy? You can’t just throw away that much pot.”

  “Why? Because you want to smoke it?”

  “No, because someone will find it. I bet Seth heard they’re doing a search today. That’s why he gave it to you, he didn’t want to get caught.”

  “Then what do I do with it? Should I take it to the principal’s office?”

  “No, they’ll never believe it’s not yours. And you want to go to college, right? You’re never getting in with a record. Give it to me. I’ll take care of it.”

  As he took the case from me, the bell sounded and the hall filled with people. One of Shane’s friends, Warren, walked past and held his hand up to high-five Shane.

  “New addition to the club?” Warren asked as he nodded in my direction.

  “Nah man, that’s not even funny. She’s no one,” Shane said.

  She’s no one. Ouch!

  I was always a no one, but it never hurt or bothered me as much as when I heard Shane say it. I went through the rest of the day in a daze, thinking about his kiss and how he helped me, but that wasn’t all of it, there was the other side of him that was a jerk to me. Sometimes I wanted to hate him just because he seemed to hate me so much, too.

  I avoided my usual routes to class. I didn’t want to see him, not after he said I was no one. A crowd had gathered in the glass entryway near the stairway to my classes. Noelle was towards the back of the crowd, away from the glass doors, texting.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you. Didn’t you hear?”

  “Hear what?”

  A hush went through the crowd as four policemen entered the hall. Between them were Seth and Shane, handcuffed, their faces expressionless. Everything was silent except for the thud of Shane’s boots. Or maybe that was my heart.

  As they exited the building, the crowd moved to the glass doors, following them. I pushed my way in front of them and watched as the cops pushed Shane’s head down as he got into the backseat of one of their cars. Seth was placed in the back of another police car.

  Neither Shane nor Seth returned to school. Four months later, I graduated with my father and Joanna in attendance. During that time, neither of them said anything about Shane and I didn’t know how to bring him up to ask. No one said anything about him, not even at school. I might as well have made him up; he didn’t exist.

  I spent the rest of high school following my usual pattern of looking in the halls for him. It was the least I could do to keep my memory of him alive. Whatever happened to him, it happened because of me. Shane took the fall for me. Maybe he didn’t really hate me.

  Chapter Five

  Rosalie

  Two Years Later

  As I parked my navy blue boat of a car at the curb, I looked up at the place I was supposed to call home. The tan siding and cornflower blue shutters looked welcoming enough, but all I felt was dread. I had to practically drag myself out of my car just to walk into the house. Was this how my friends felt when they came home? I doubted it.

  Things didn’t turn out the way I had planned. The summer after graduating high school, my stepfather lost his job and was home all the time. I wasn’t even sure if he was really looking for work, but I had overheard my mother say something about how no one wanted to hire him because of what happened when he got fired. It had been two years and I still didn’t know why he was out of work.

  To help support the family, I deferred my admission to Arizona State for two years and started working full time at the bank. My time at work was the only thing keeping me sane while I waited to start school. I kept reminding myself that I was in the home stretch—just a few more months, one summer, and then I’d be making the long drive across the country and to my new life.

  I hardly saw Noelle anymore. My mother and stepfather had made my going anywhere but to work so difficult that I gave up trying. Luckily Noelle met a new guy and spent a lot of her free time with him so she didn’t notice I was stuck at home. The times we did talk, I never mentioned how bad things had gotten for me. I couldn’t. It was something I wanted to forget.

  As I entered the house, Jim rushed over, towering over me. His face was stern and his eyes flashed with anger. I couldn’t help it, I immediately felt guilty. I had to have done something to make him so angry, I just didn't know what it was.

  “Where’s the key?” he demanded.

  “What key?” I asked, genuinely confused.

  “The one for the lock you put on your door. You know I need access to your bedroom at all times.”

  “No, you don’t,” I said, surprised at the words coming out of my mouth. “I’m paying for food, utilities, and most of our rent, I’m giving you and Mom money, I’m even paying your credit cards. I’m twenty and working full time to support the family instead of going away to college like I wanted to. Plus I’m an adult. I deserve a little privacy.”

  My eyes filled with tears and I ran up the stairs to my room, quickly unlocked the door, then collapsed onto my bed. I couldn't take living there much longer. When he started coming into my bedroom at night, I knew I needed to do something to protect myself so I bought a lock.

  On the floor next to my desk was the backpack I used to carry every day to school.
I refused to put it away because it was the only thing that reminded me of the simpler times when I didn’t have to think about needing a lock on my bedroom door. Back when my only worry was whether Shane would catch me spying on him. Those days weren’t that long ago, but I really did miss them. And him.

  Shane. Just thinking about him made me feel better. In the two years since I had last seen him, I built Shane up in my head even more. To me, he became a white knight ready to protect me no matter what. He barely knew me, but he took the blame for the pot. At least that was the story I told myself. That was the story I wanted to believe. I would probably never know the truth of why he took the blame that day.

  The next day as I was leaving for work, I heard my mother call for me from the kitchen.

  “Rosalie, do you have a minute?”

  Even though I was already running a little late, I couldn’t say no. As I entered the kitchen, I found my mother sitting at the kitchen table stirring honey into her coffee. Her face was empty of emotion, a look I was used to seeing when she wasn’t around other people to put her happy face on for.

  “I’m on the way to work, is everything okay?” I asked.

  “Jim told me about the lock on your door.” She paused to take a sip of her coffee. “It’s fine if you want to have one, but you have to give him the key.”

  I stared at her for a moment while she stirred her coffee again, waiting to see if she would say anything more. She didn’t. I kept hoping the day would come where she would acknowledge how wrong life under this roof was for me. I knew I was wrong to hope that she could think of anyone other than herself, but I believed that, as my mother, she should show that she cared about me more than what was in her mug.

  “Why does he need a key to my bedroom?” I asked.

  I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat as I waited for the question to sink into my mother’s mind, for her to see how wrong it was that her husband wanted the key to her adult daughter’s bedroom. It didn’t faze her though.

  “Jim just needs access to your bedroom,” she said with a shrug. “What if there was an emergency like a fire in the house?”

  I stared at my mother for a minute, unable to understand how she could ignore the obvious.

  “No, Mom,” I whispered, shaking my head. “This isn’t right.”

  “Jim is expecting the key by the end of the day.”

  Her attitude remained blasé during our conversation. She could have been talking about bagels from the grocery store or any other mundane thing and used the same tone.

  I felt defeated. I blinked back tears as I left the house and sank into the spongey driver’s seat of my car. Things had been so hard the past couple of years at home. I was raw. Not a day went by where I wasn’t on the verge of tears. The only thing keeping me going was the ticking down of the clock for college to start. That was my escape from this hell.

  My day at work flew by and before I knew it, I was on my way home. During lunch, I went online and looked at photos of the ASU campus and imagined myself walking along the palm tree-lined sidewalks to class. I couldn’t wait. Just the thought of going away put a smile back on my face.

  As soon as I got home, I grabbed the mail from the mailbox. I flipped through the envelopes as I took a few steps towards the front door looking for bills I needed to pay for my mother and stepfather. To my surprise, there was a thin envelope from Arizona State University. I was sure it was about my starting in the fall. I couldn’t wait to get inside to read it, so I ripped open the envelope where I stood on the sidewalk.

  Dear Rosalie DeLeo,

  Thank you for contacting our Admissions Department with the change in your student status. As I indicated over the phone, with the school year starting soon, this decision is final. Your admission has been delayed until the next school year as requested.

  Sincerely,

  Scott Overmeyer

  Dean of Admissions

  What the FUCK?!? Next year???

  I ran into the house, tears streaming down my face as I thought about another year in this house with my mother and stepfather. My heart ached as it pounded in my chest, and my body trembled as I gasped for air.

  I dropped the mail on the dining room table and pulled my phone out of my bag as I tried to calm myself down. Angrily wiping at my tears, I tried to read the phone number on the page so I could dial.

  “This has to be a mistake,” I muttered to myself.

  My mother stepped out of the kitchen, her face expressionless as usual. She entered the dining room with the ever-present mug of coffee in her hand.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked.

  No, I like crying hysterically for the hell of it.

  I couldn’t answer her. And even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to say what I was thinking. I handed her the letter and wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks. She looked over the letter and shrugged before handing it back to me.

  “I called them last week,” she said. “You have new responsibilities with Jim still out of work.”

  “How could you?” I choked.

  I collapsed into a chair, sobbing. I was stuck, trapped in this nightmare. My chest ached and I couldn’t catch my breath. For a brief moment I thought I was having a heart attack, but I pushed that thought from my mind and tried to force myself to calm down.

  “It was Jim’s idea,” Mom said. “He doesn’t want you to go away. He’s having a hard time finding a job. I think they blackballed him at his old job with the city. Such a shame after twenty years of service,” she said before taking a sip of her coffee. “No one is calling him for interviews and you don’t expect me to go back to work, do you? If college means that much to you, I’m sure your acceptance at Rutgers is still valid, and they’re only ten minutes away. You can live at home and commute.”

  I’d rather die.

  I couldn’t speak to her anymore. I couldn’t even look at her. I grabbed my things and headed towards the stairs. Just beyond them, Jim was sitting in the living room watching television.

  “You never left the key to your room,” he said.

  There was no point in answering. I knew I’d pay for it eventually, but I ignored him and climbed the stairs. I wanted to be alone in my room and cry. That’s all I needed, just a little space and time to myself to figure all of this out.

  As I got to the landing, I knew something wasn’t right. The hall had a lot more light than it usually did. My pace quickened as I walked down the hall, and then I saw what was wrong.

  My bedroom door had been taken off of its hinges. My stomach twisted and I felt like the air had been sucked out of me, like the door leaning against the wall had been slammed into my body.

  I needed to be alone. I needed to have some space to just lock the door and not worry about someone coming in. I needed somewhere I could feel safe. Flicking on the bathroom light, I slammed the door shut and reached for the knob to lock it. The lock was gone.

  “This isn’t right, this just isn’t right,” I muttered.

  My tears had dried up. I felt nothing but emptiness. I was numb. I needed to figure out how to survive in this house until I could move out, but how was I going to do that when most of my paycheck was going towards supporting them?

  I entered my room and slid the door so it covered most of the doorway. My stomach clenched as I looked around the bedroom. Some things had been moved around from where I left them. That was another one of the reasons why I installed the lock. I was tired of feeling violated in the place I should feel the most secure and safe.

  Settle down, Rosalie.

  Taking a deep breath, I sat on my daybed in the corner of the room. I tried to calm myself like I always needed to do whenever my stepfather had been in my room. I set my bag down next to me on the bed and placed my hand over my stomach, hoping to calm it with deep breaths.

  It didn’t work. As I sat there, I noticed my underwear drawer was slightly open. Underwear was the one thing I splurged on, and seeing my drawer like that reminded me of
my favorite panties.

  They had gone missing about a month ago. They were dark purple satin with black lace along the hips and they cost way too much for something no one but me would see, but I had to have them. I always did my own laundry so I knew they didn’t get lost in the hamper. There was only one place they could be.

  Perverted sonofabitch!

  Getting up from the bed, I stood in front of my dresser as I wondered which pair was missing this time. Holding my breath, I opened the drawer. Lying on top were my favorite undies. They had magically been returned. They were lying flat on top of everything. There was no way I could have missed them.

  That was the last straw. I grabbed the panties as I heard my mother walking down the hall. In her arms were several shopping bags with Macy’s on them.

  I held up the panties as I tried to rein in my anger. “Did you do this?” I asked. “Did you put them back in my drawer?”

  “Oh, is that the pair you lost?”

  Without looking at me, she turned into her bedroom. I followed her. I couldn’t just ignore it anymore. I was done keeping my mouth shut about her husband and the things he did in my bedroom.

  “You know I didn’t lose them,” I said. “Was it you? Or did he put them back? I can’t help but notice they magically returned two days after I told you they were missing and the same day my door was taken off its hinges.”

  “I’m sure they’ve been in your drawer all this time. You’ve never been very observant.”

  Clenching my fists, I had to control the urge to hit something. I wasn’t a violent person, but at that moment everything came together and I was done.

  “I’m done with this, Mom. I’ve had enough. I can’t live like this anymore.”

  “What are you talking about now?” she said with a sigh.

  “I have no privacy. I can’t go out with friends. I can’t talk on the phone without him listening in. These are the things I’m talking about. Things that you know about. I can’t even have a lock on the door to my room.”