Love to Hate You Read online

  As I waited outside, Samantha came down the steps and waved to me. She had a baby monitor in her other hand. When she opened the door, I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

  “You realize this is the last place I want to be, right?” I said, entering as I removed my sweater.

  Samantha took my sweater and hung it in the dreaded coat closet. I couldn’t even look at that closet without thinking about Brent.

  She rolled her eyes.

  “I don’t know what it is with the two of you,” she said. “I saw the two of you at my wedding and I know you both probably better than anyone. I’m telling you, you’re perfect for each other. And since nothing is going on between the two of you, I’m taking matters into my own hands.”

  “By forcing us to eat together? You know what happened last time.”

  “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well,” she said.

  “You realize it’s unfair to quote Virginia Woolf,” I said.

  “What can I say, I fight dirty.”

  As we entered the kitchen, Sam checked on the roast in the oven.

  “You’ve been really pushing for me and Brent even more lately. I think having that baby has done something to your brain,” I said.

  “It has. It’s made me realize how Drake and I could’ve been together even longer. I wasted time away from him when I could have been happy instead. I want that happiness for you.”

  I appreciated that Sam was looking out for my happiness, but I didn’t understand why she just wouldn’t listen to me.

  “I’ve told you, I don’t need it and I don’t want it,” I said. “Look, just because you’re in a state of matrimonial bliss, that doesn’t mean everyone else needs it. We’ve had this talk before. You know I don’t want to get married.”

  Sam grimaced as she folded her arms in front of her.

  “It’s me you’re talking to,” she said. “I know you, Jackie. Just like I know how hard my wedding was on you.”

  “It wasn’t.”

  “You’re one of my best friends, Jackie. I know. I was there that day, remember?”

  Remember? That was a day I’ve been trying to forget for five years. Somehow it still felt like just yesterday.

  “Listen, Sam. You know I love you. You know I was honored to be your maid of honor,” I said. “And it was a beautiful wedding. Even if it was on the beach.”

  “I’m sorry about the beach. I know that made it harder on you.”

  I sighed. “I’m a big girl, Sam. What happened with Marc was a long time ago.”

  “Have you ever cried about it? I mean, even that day I don’t remember you crying.”

  “No. I haven’t and I’m not going to. Marc doesn’t deserve my tears. Now can we talk about something else?”

  “Sorry,” she said quietly.

  “It’s okay,” I said as I hugged her. “I know you’re just looking out for me. Now seriously, please, let’s talk about something else. Anything else.”

  “Anything? How about Brent?”

  “Really?” I asked, a little surprised.

  “Too soon? I’ll have to remember to bring him up again later after he’s gone,” she said with an evil grin

  “Where is he anyway?”

  “His meeting went long so he take another flight back. The car service should be dropping him off any minute.”

  “Yeah right,” I said. “Maybe he’s picking up Brandi.”

  “He’s not like that. I don’t know why you think he is. That night at dinner was…I don’t know what it was, but he’s not like that.”

  “He’s just like Marc,” I said. “On the outside he seems like a nice guy. He’s got a great dog, he’s got a great job that actually does something good, and he’s hot. But, on the inside, he’s a shitty person.”

  “No he’s not, Jackie. I know him.”

  “Then you’re just falling for it.”

  “He’s a really great guy. I swear he is. I don’t know why you think he’s not.”

  “He didn’t call,” I blurted out and immediately regretted it. The reason I hated Brent sounded even more ridiculous and immature when I said it aloud.

  “You have to get over that,” she said.

  I put my hand up. “Before you go on about how you’re sure he has a perfectly simple explanation for that, you have to hear me out.” I paused and she nodded. “He said he would call and he didn’t. I know what’s next. There’s always something else. A meeting that went late, a car that needs repair, a family member who suddenly needs something. There’s always an excuse to not keep his word.”

  My relationship with Marc flashed through my head. All the excuses, all the reasons he couldn’t be there for me, everything was never his fault. At the time, I didn’t realize any of that and even after we broke up I repeated a lot of my mistakes by replacing Marc with Dennis.

  Marc was like a scab that wouldn’t heal. Every so often I would be reminded of something he did or said and the scab would open. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get over him. It didn’t matter that I didn't love him anymore, all that hurt was still there because I kept stuffing it away. I didn’t want to deal with it.

  “He’s not like that,” she said softly.

  “Do you know how many times I said that about Marc? I can’t go through that again. And I’m done talking about this.”

  I walked out of the kitchen and onto the back patio. If I had enough balls I would have left.

  “I’m sorry,” Samantha called out behind me.

  I wasn’t angry with Sam. Her heart was in the right place. I just wished she would butt out sometimes.

  A cool breeze came off the ocean. In the distance a boat’s lights blinked on the water. I walked to the edge of the patio, to where the sand started, and stared out into the darkness.

  “Normally I’d complain about my view being blocked, but I think it just got better,” Brent said from behind me.

  You’ve got to be kidding me, I thought.

  I spun around and found him sitting down, his long legs crossed at the knee.

  “I’ll just head inside,” I said. “It’s too cold out here anyway.”

  “I’ve been thinking about you,” he said.

  “Oh? What about me?” I asked, preparing myself for a sarcastic comment.

  “You’re not heading in?” he teased. “I thought you were cold.”

  “I guess I’m more curious than cold,” I said.

  He stood up and removed his suit jacket. With his jacket in one hand, he used the other to beckon me to him.

  I walked over to him and as he slipped the jacket over my shoulders, he whispered in my ear.

  “I’ve been thinking about how much I enjoyed kissing you.”

  I turned around and eyed him suspiciously, waiting for the punch line that didn’t come.

  “What do you want?” I asked.

  He laughed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. But now that I think about it, you do owe me, you know.”

  “I owe you?”

  “How quickly we forget.” Brent put his hands in his pockets and rocked confidently on his heels. “I came to your rescue the other day, remember? You were a damsel in distress and I gave you a ride you’ll never forget.”

  “Hmm...technically, since I drove, doesn’t that mean I gave you a ride?”

  “It was my car. Besides, when I say I gave you a ride, I really mean something else.” He wiggled his brow lasciviously.

  “See, that right there. That’s why I never believe anything you say. Everything is just a joke to you. You just say whatever you can to get what you want.”

  “If that’s true then it hasn’t worked very well for me,” he said.

  “What makes you say that?”

  “I haven’t had you in my bed,” he said. “Yet.”

  “Yet? You sound pretty confident for a man who keeps getting turned down.”

  “Well, like I said before, you owe me. And I am feeling pretty confident. You see, I k
now you keep saying that you can’t stand me, but after that kiss the other day I think you’ve been lying.”

  “And what about you?” I asked. “Every time I see you, you’re teasing me about something. It’s pretty obvious to me that you don’t like me just as much as I don’t like you.”

  “Then there’s no reason why you won’t agree to this. I have a proposition for you.”

  “A proposition? I thought you said I owe you.”

  “You do, but it’s much more fun if you agree to it because you want to and not just because I say so,” he said.

  Fun? What on earth is he thinking about?

  “Well, you definitely have me curious,” I said.

  “Before I tell you about it, you have to first admit something to me,” he said.

  “Admit something? What?” I asked, confused.

  Brent leaned closer to me. He smelled like warm spice, which always comforted me.

  “Admit that you enjoyed that kiss the other day. I won’t even bring up what happened in the coat closet at the wedding, even though I really want to.”

  My cheeks burned as I thought about that kiss and everything else. I would never admit to him how much I loved kissing him.

  “No? Maybe you need a reminder,” he said.

  His lips touched mine and wanting more, I parted my lips without thinking.

  “It’s alright, you don’t have to say anything,” he said. “Your lips give you away. I know you hate me, but you can’t deny what you’re feeling right now.”

  He slipped his hand into the back of my hair and kissed me again. This time he didn’t stop as we kissed hungrily.

  I forced myself to push him away, but it was a half-hearted attempt.

  “What does that have to do with anything?” I asked feeling breathless.

  “Like I said, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. If kissing you feels this good, imagine what everything else would be like.”

  “Oh, so that’s your proposition? Sex?” I asked. “You seem to forget that we hate each other.”

  “If I just wanted sex, I could get that from anyone. But there’s something about you, Jackie. We don’t have to like each other to sleep together. If you want to still hate me while I make you orgasm, then that’s up to you.” He grinned as he cocked his brow at me, then slipped his business card into my hand. “Take some time to think about it.”

  Think about it? All I’ve been doing since the wedding has been thinking about it.

  “Wait,” I said as I caught up to him.

  I grabbed his shoulder and he turned towards me. He pushed me against the wall as he kissed me again and pressed his body to mine. He kissed my forehead before he stepped back.

  “Think about it. You know how to reach me,” he said as he turned and left.

  Chapter Five

  Brent

  “You seem to forget that we hate each other,” Jackie said

  Her words echoed in my head as we kissed.

  Why does she think I hate her?

  I couldn’t keep kissing her. If my lips touched her plump lips again I would have no choice but to carry her inside the house and rip her clothes off. I had to leave.

  “Think about it,” I said as I pulled away. “You know how to reach me.”

  I entered the house and saw Sam setting the table. I’d have to make it up to Samantha, but I knew she’d understand. Despite how much she kept wanting to get Jackie and I together, I knew it wasn’t meant to be. I knew something that Sam didn’t—Jackie belonged to someone else.

  As I reached the front door, I glanced over my shoulder. Jackie was leaning against the wall, still wearing my suit jacket. Her hair was a little messy and her cheeks were still flushed. I wondered if she needed the wall to keep her upright. I grinned at the thought, feeling the same way.

  It wasn’t right though. She infuriated me. Where was he? Where was this guy? How come I never saw them together?

  I quickly texted an apology to Sam as I got into my car. Jackie had been haunting me since the wedding. Despite the knowledge that she was involved with someone else, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every ounce of my being said she was mine.

  Once I got onto the freeway, I called my friend Gunnar Craven. Gunnar and I were roommates in college. Lately we had been working together as I tried to spread awareness for environmental protection. Gunnar was one of the heads of a large advertising agency in New York City and he was convinced that he could make people interested in saving the environment.

  “Hey, Brent,” Gunnar said as he answered the phone. “Where are you?”

  In the background I heard a woman giggle and the mixture of music and people talking. Gunnar was always at a party, bar, or restaurant.

  “I’m in the car,” I said. “I just left Sam and Drake’s.”

  “Weren’t you having dinner there tonight? Did something happen? You sound like you need a drink.”

  “Actually, yeah, I could. Where are you?”

  “That new bar downtown.”

  “Pivot?”

  “Yeah, that’s it.”

  “Alright, I’m on my way.”

  * * *

  Pivot was an ultra-modern bar with a sleek monochromatic style. When I arrived, Gunnar was surrounded by several women in a circular booth. He used to joke that he majored in satisfying women back in school, but I always suspected he went through so many women because he was looking for someone really special.

  He ordered a couple of beers for us and as the waitress delivered them, he held his hands up to get everyone’s attention.

  “Now ladies, you know I would love nothing more than to sit and talk to you, but right now my buddy needs me.” He caught the waitress’s attention before she left the table. “These ladies won’t be paying for their drinks tonight.”

  As the ladies left, I slid into the booth and took a drink from my frosted mug.

  “Don’t you ever get tired of this?” I asked.

  “Of what?” Gunnar asked. “The women? Never.”

  “No, the bar scene.”

  “This is all research. They talk about the things they like, and I listen. I figure out what draws them to their purchases and then I can market to them better. These women are where the money is. The fact that I get to please them in bed is just the icing on the cake. But who gives a fuck about me, what’s going on with you? You look like someone stole your blanket.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “There’s this girl.”

  “It’s always about a girl.”

  “She hates me, but when we kiss I know there’s something there. I know she should be mine.”

  “So then make her yours,” he said.

  “She’s with someone else,” I grunted. “I don’t get it, because Sam is always saying we’d be perfect together and they’re pretty tight, but Sam seems to think Jackie is single.”

  “Maybe she is single.”

  “No, she’s not. I spoke to her boyfriend.”

  “When?”

  “A while back. After Sam and Drake’s wedding,” I said. “She gave me her number and I called that night. Her boyfriend answered and said it’s a game she likes to play. She gives guys her number for the fun of it.”

  “That doesn’t sound like the kind of woman you’re usually into.”

  “Honestly, I didn’t think she was like that,” I said. “But he answered her phone and it was pretty late. If he wasn’t her boyfriend, then what was he doing there?”

  “I’m sorry. Maybe it’s better if you move on from this one.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t. I’ve been trying to and I end up obsessing about her even more. It’s like I’ve become a crazy person.”

  “So then what the hell? Go for it. What do you have to lose?”

  What did I have to lose?

  I thought about the proposition I made to Jackie earlier. I didn’t really mean anything by it. I was drunk off her lips when I suggested it. I didn’t think she would entertain the idea at all, but if s
he did maybe it meant something.

  Maybe I was wrong in thinking she had a boyfriend. Sam should know and she didn’t think so. So what if this guy said she was his girl and they had a future together? I didn’t know him and Jackie wasn’t the kind of girl to two-time anyone. What if Dennis lied to me?

  Whatever the truth was about how she felt about me, she couldn’t deny that kiss.

  Taking my phone out, I set it on the table and thought about what to say. I thought about what she said earlier about being curious and how her body melted against mine whenever we kissed. I had made a ridiculous offer to her before, and I had nothing to lose.

  Sam had given me Jackie’s cell number weeks ago, but I never called her. I wasn’t going to call a woman who made it a habit to remind me of her hatred. But tonight was different.

  I saw something in her eyes that made me want to take a risk. I saw something that said I had a chance.

  “Brent?” Jackie said as she answered the phone.

  It didn’t slip past me that she must have added me to her contacts. It made me even more confident in my plan. I would make Jackie mine some way, somehow.

  “About my proposition earlier,” I said. “Forget you hate me for just one night. That’s all I’m asking for.”

  Chapter Six

  Jackie

  After Brent left, I couldn’t stay at Samantha’s for dinner. I knew what would happen, Sam would keep going on and on about how wonderful her brother-in-law was. I didn’t want to hear about it. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about Brent Winslow.

  I needed to get home. I wanted to grab that container of cookie dough ice cream I just bought and think about what he said. Was he serious? Was he playing games with my head? What did he mean?

  My mind spun as I tried to figure out what he meant or if it was all a joke.

  As I entered my apartment, I was grateful that Dennis was out instead of planted on the couch like always. I headed straight to the refrigerator, pulled out the carton of Haagen Dazs, grabbed a spoon, and sat down at the small kitchen table.

  Scooping a large spoonful, I sighed as I took a taste. With the spoon stuck in my mouth, I pulled my phone out of my bag with Brent’s business card. Winslow Environmental was a few blocks away from my school, but I never pieced together that it was Brent’s company.